Listening is the simplest skill we ignore - and the one that changes everything.

In our noisy world, journalist Kate Murphy reminds us that listening is the key to understanding and to deeper connection. Drawing on neuroscience, psychology and interviews with experts - from CIA interrogators to priests and bartenders - she reveals how true listening strengthens relationships, creativity and empathy.

You’re Not Listening is both a practical guide and a cultural critique, showing how rediscovering this neglected skill can transform our communication, our workplaces and our emotional lives. This clear and compassionate life-changing book will transform your conversations forever.

‘Inspiringly profound… smart and playful’ Observer
‘I’ll be adopting Murphy’s advice’ Sunday Times

The premise of this book couldn't be more timely... inspiringly profound… Smart and playful... It feels like a reiteration of something essential... Murphy is here to remind us – entertainingly and compellingly – exactly why it matters so much, especially right now. Hear, hear. -- Viv Groskop * Observer *
Gripping from start to finish... brilliant…extraordinarily interesting…full of meat and gold. -- Chris Evans * Virgin Radio Breakfast Show *
Fiercely topical... You're Not Listening is an intriguing and constructive take on the problem... and a manual for better communication. Murphy’s book is intelligent and thought-provoking… Listening is when someone take a real interest in who you are…a moment of attunement and understanding that sticks in both heads. We could all do with some of that. -- Melanie Reid * The Times *
It’s time for a spot of re-education... A fascinating guide to something we assume we do automatically, yet for the most part do very badly... The art of listening is really the art of being human. -- Stephen Moss * Guardian *
We are losing this most crucial, arguably, of our skills in the modern world... I'll be adopting Murphy's advice... and I will be employing "support" responses everywhere. -- Charlotte Edwardes * Sunday Times Style Magazine *
As any Samaritans volunteer will tell you, learning to listen properly can change lives — your own included. You’re Not Listening perfectly describes a problem a lot of us face in the smartphone age, and how to fix it. -- Holly Brockwell * Evening Standard *
Murphy has correctly identified a problem... This isn't a neo-Luddite manifesto, urging us to wean ourselves decisively off our phones, but it is a useful reminder that happiness often lies elsewhere. -- Amelia Gentleman * Guardian *
This lively book makes an impassioned plea for listening… an instructive and thought-provoking book that will help readers think about the way they frame questions and responses to forge intimacy. -- Emma Jacobs * Financial Times *
In an age of echo chambers and multiple narratives, there is a lot of noise going on but very little listening. In this insightful, cogently reasoned book, Murphy extols the myriad virtues of this underused skill... A thoughtful, eloquent volume that could transform not just your relationships but your own worldview as well. -- Waterstones Best Non-fiction Books for 2020
If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset - and this book does it with science and humour. -- Adam Grant * #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take *

Journalist Kate Murphy is a New York Times contributor whose eclectic and much-shared pieces have explored an extraordinary range of topics including health, technology, science, design, art, business, finance, fashion, dining, travel, and real estate. Kate is known for her fresh and accessible way of explaining complex subjects, particularly the science behind social interactions, helping readers understand why people behave the way they do.