If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs . . . then you're probably not a football fan.

Years of underachievement. An heroic sense of injustice. A seemingly infinite capacity for self-destruction. John Crace and Spurs were made for each other. But then the team started to play like possible champions. For most fans, these are the glory moments they dream about. For Crace they just opened a new dimension of anxiety: the fear of success.

Crace has supported Spurs for 40 years. His wife thinks he suffers from a psychiatric disorder, but fandom is not only one of the ways he negotiates his relationships, it also helps him make some sense of his life.

Vertigo is the story of why fandom that starts out in boyish hope always ends in dark comedy.

John Crace is a staff feature writer for the Guardian, where he is best known for the literary pastiche 'Digested Read'. He has also written several books, including the semi-fictional comic memoirs Baby Alarm and The Second Half. He lives in south-west London but travels to N17 for every home game.