Feeling a bit like you’re winging this whole ‘adulthood’ thing? You’re not alone. Welcome to the club for everyone who still feels like three kids in a trench coat, pretending to have it all figured out.

This book is your official laugh-out-loud guide to navigating the baffling world of being a grown-up.

It won’t help you find love, happiness or a cool £1m – but at least you’ll have more time for that kind of thing if you aren’t stricken with self-inflicted food poisoning, knee deep in filth, or arguing with bailiffs as they take your sofa away.

Inside, you’ll discover how to master the art of:

• Cooking for the clueless. Barely cooked steak is a delicacy, while barely cooked pork is a terrible, regrettable medical incident.
• Cleaning without crying. You can hoover more stuff than you might realise.
• Money matters. Are credits cards free money? No.
• Social survival. Effortlessly handle awkward small talk, navigate office politics, and win that pub quiz.

Tips include how to make the most of whatever’s in the back of your fridge and creative ways to avoid folding fitted sheets (because who really knows how?).

This book is a brilliantly funny companion for anyone who feels they’re fumbling their way through adult life. It makes the perfect gift for birthdays, Christmas, or that one mate who just moved into their own place and thinks a houseplant counts as a pet.

Mike Rampton is the author of So Bad It’s Good (Pavilion, 2026) and There's No Such Thing As A Silly Question (Nosy Crow, 2024), as well as several exciting books coming soon that he hasn't quite finished yet. He also writes for various newspapers and magazines, usually about loud music or how tired he is. Mike lives in Cambridge and has been bitten by a striking number of animals.